Seeing The Good

So I was wrong about the lunchtime group. Only four people were able to sneak away from their jobs for a little mid-day play today.

I was hoping to be able to climb Provo Canyon in my endurance zone again, like I did last week. But the rest of the group that showed up are all top-placing tri-geeks. I told them, early on in the ride, to go ahead without me - I had already left my endurance zone. But they just slowed down and let me catch my breath a bit.

I suffered the mild climb up the canyon to Vivian Park in my small chain ring. I felt maxed out, and my legs were tired, sore, and heavy. Why? I slept in this morning and have been taking it pretty easy lately. Maybe that's the reason...or maybe it was from not enough food...or not enough warm up...or maybe my body is still trying to recover from last week's wreck. Whatever the cause, I did not like it.

Then an interesting thing happened. Something in me switched, and I climbed the steeper grades up South Fork-IN MY BIG CHAIN RING. Not cross-chained either. I did drop into my small chain ring a couple of times when the road grade kicked up to 11-12 percent, but for the most part I mashed the climb. The best part is that I felt much better doing this - my heart rate stayed low and my legs quit whimpering. I've gotta figure out how to switch my brain into strength mode more often. Not because mashing is the best thing, just to feel and believe I'm strong.

This is why South Fork is a favorite ride.

The descent out of South Fork is always fun. It is the only time on the ride today that I was able to catch and pass the ultra-skinny tri girl.

Oh, and my shoulder didn't bother me a bit on the ride. I've dodged the chiropractor again.

Now for some deep thinking: it occurred to me today that I really have no interest in upgrading. I have been a Cat 4 for three years now, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm fine with that. I have toyed around with the idea of upgrading for the last couple of years, but now realize that my heart isn't into it. I have wanted to upgrade for reasons beyond myself. In other words, if I upgraded it wouldn't be doing it for me. I would be doing it to impress others, and quite frankly I don't care what others think of me anymore. I'm going to stop focusing on points. At least for this week. Who knows, maybe I'll start enjoying myself again and things will change. But this is how I feel today. I'm going to stop taking racing so seriously that I suck the life out of it, and I'm just going to ride and have fun and focus on improving.

And believe me, I have improved. I only started riding a bike in early 2006. At that time I was a terrified biker. I was afraid of corners, nervous about clipping into my pedals, and would panic if there was a pebble in the road. And forget about descending...I would give myself hand cramps from braking so hard on mild descents. I stayed awake at night imagining the carnage I was sure to cause myself if I were to ever wreck my bike. Yet, I wanted to race so badly! So, without more than a couple of months of riding I signed up for my first race - Buffalo Stampede on Antelope Island. I lost. I lost big. But I didn't give up.

And here I am today. I still don't win races but I no longer lose. For the most part I've had a lot of fun participating. I've done plenty of terrifying things to get to where I am today: I've learned to push into descents without braking. I've climbed and come down roads I never thought I possibly could. I hardly notice rocks in the road, let alone pebbles. I enjoy cornering. I have wrecked - and it wasn't the horrible carnage I had always imagined. And I have found that I won't die if I push myself harder than I thought was possible.

I'm done being stressed about having to do every race for fear of losing points. So, when you see me at the races, know that I'm there because I am ready for a good time.